Helpless

Today was the big day. We saw the pediatrician and did tests, and I still have lots of questions and no answers.

It turns out the reason her doctor previously hasn't been as concerned as me was because Rea's medical records from before we moved here were never sent over as they should have been! The doctor didn't know this growth problem went back as far as it did. We got the records faxed over finally and did a weight check.

She has lost more weight... and she's still anemic. The doctor also officially diagnosed her with Failure to Thrive (as we suspected). Not good.

They did a urine test at the office and sent us to the hospital to get her blood drawn for some blood tests. What a HORRIFIC experience that was. I'm so glad I didn't have to be there alone, having daddy was a big help. They couldn't find a vein in her arm and had to retry 3 times. I have never heard her cry that way before today. By the third attempt she was screaming so much she started literally having a panic attack to the point she was holding her breath and couldn't seem to breathe. I held her really close and calmed her down as much as possible, and Charles asked if there was any other way to draw the blood besides her arms. With the amount of blood that was needed they said yes, but we finally decided to do a finger prick and draw it out, even though it takes much longer. I hummed to her while they did it, but she still cried until it was over.

We are supposed to get a call in a few days with the results of the blood and urine tests, and her doctor wants her in to have a check up every 2 weeks now to monitor her more closely.

No- we weren't given an idea by the doctor as to what could be the cause. No- I don't have any real idea (or guesses) myself.

I feel completely helpless as a mother. It's probably the absolute worst feeling I've ever felt. For all of the parenting books/websites/articles, homemade organic babyfood, strict breastfeeding, monitoring tv time, monitoring my own diet, and all of the love and attention we shower on her, there is NOTHING more I can humanly do for her. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I am hoping and praying her test results find the cause, and that it is something simple and fixable.

All of the love, support, and words of encouragement I've received already today make a difference. To all who have taken the time to say a prayer or give me encouraging words: thank you so much... it was much needed and much appreciated.