Mothers, Rejoice?

I've read a number of blogs and articles lately authored by mothers describing various bad or unfortunate experiences they had as new moms. They described painful breastfeeding experiences and strange disorders, ruined bodies and obsolete sex lives. They made becoming a new mom sound much more like cruel and unusual punishment than an exciting and rewarding experience.

I'll give it to them, parenthood isn't all peaches and cream. It's a huge adjustment, but I never had viewed it in quite the terms they had... I remember other moms giving me "advice" about how I could lie about what the doctor said after my 6-week check up so I could get out of having sex for a few more months... What??? Then there was those that told me how I was going to blow up and look like a beached whale and that I shouldn't feel bad if I couldn't get back into my jeans within the first year (or two!). After those there were others who would show me their saggy stretch marks and tell me they hoped I had remembered to take before pictures of when I still looked good in a bikini. Moms (especially those that didn't follow through) would tell me terrible, painful, and graphic stories about breastfeeding and how I might as well start saving for a boob job now. And EVERYBODY, regardless whether they were a parent themselves or not, loved to remind me that soon I wouldn't remember what it was like to get an uninterrupted night of sleep.

For the record, every single thing I was warned about so gravely never came to fruition. Nothing.

Somehow, all these popular mommy-horror-stories get lots of pats on the back from fellow moms, and moms who talk about their success stories (for example, like mom & super model Gisele Bundchen) or about the ease that they adapted to life as a mom was for them, they are heavily criticized! They are basically accused of making it all up and falsely romanticizing parenthood.

Why can't we just be happy for our fellow moms? Aren't we all sisters with the same cause? We may each have different methods, but we all love our children and what the best for them and our families, right? So, I wonder, why can we not rejoice when moms have a positive story about motherhood? Perhaps even look for value in them; maybe those moms did something that can be learned from! It doesn't mean they're better or superior women (motherhood is NOT a competition) but there is not one right way, and maybe another mom out there has a positive suggestion that could be useful!


At this point, I would like to take time to REJOICE in my own mothering successes. I have not had the chance to do that thus far unless confiding in my partner or my own mother without the risk of judgement, but I will be ashamed of my good fortune no more!

1)
What I was told - "Say goodbye to your sex life, but don't worry, you won't want it anyway!"

My experience - I picked right back up where I left off. Actually, it was probably better. Oh, and I even had a horrific 27 hour labor and some other details that are way TMI, but that really didn't throw a wet blanket in the romance department after 6 weeks was up.

2)
What I was told - "You're gonna get FAT. It's okay though, we all do, so eat whatever you want! And you have an excuse for at least one year post baby as well. But the stretch marks you'll be trying to cover up for a lifetime. "

My experience - I ate whenever I felt hungry, gained 40lbs while pregnant (which was the recommended amount for my size), and lost it without any special diet or exercise within 4 months of delivering my daughter. I attribute this to breastfeeding (burns an extra 500 calories per day), to good genes (also known as " good luck"), and having a child when I was young while my body can bounce back more easily. As far as stretch marks, I have a few hardly noticeable ones on my legs that don't bother me the least bit, and none anywhere else. And I did not slather my belly with cocoa butter to prevent them like some moms told me I should. Long story short, I'm comfortable with my body and looks exactly the same to me as it did pre-pregnancy. Maybe even better.

3)
What I was told - "Breastfeeding is difficult, painful, and will get in the way of you getting back to your 'normal' life."

My experience- There was a LITTLE bit of truth in this, but every good myth has some. The first two months were somewhat painful, especially when I got an infection in one of my breasts. I have fair skin and which is more sensitive and it took longer for my skin to no longer be irritated by it. I coped with some home remedies (I even tried the cabbage leaves trick, it actually works), and some store bought soothers. Once I got past the initial first phase, it's been amazing. I would go through that first 2 months again TWICE if I had to, it was well worth it. There is a bond between you and your baby that goes beyond description. Plus the added connivence that I never have to take time to prepare a bottle or pay for an expensive tin of powdered formula doesn't hurt either. My daughter is almost to the point I have to start thinking about weening her soon, and honestly feel depressed at the very thought of it. It's obvious she loves it, and I love it too!

4)
What I was told - "Get ready for endless sleepless nights. Bags under your eyes will soon be a permanent fixture on your face."

My experience - My daughter would wake up twice at night until she was 2 weeks old to eat (which with breastfeeding, I could just lay right back down and rest my eyes until she was finished). After that, she miraculously started sleeping through the night, from about 10pm to 8am. Hallelujah! Nowadays she sleeps from 8pm to 8am (mommy is in parent heaven)!
I would like to point out here that I took my own advice and learned something from a fellow mom. While visiting a friend, I noted how easy her kids went down for naps and bed time. She would leave the room and be back minutes later, no cries or complaints from her baby! When I asked her about it, she told me it was the result of training them that when its time to sleep, they put themselves to sleep. Yes, they cry for awhile in the beginning, but they're smart and they learn. (These are tricks learned and perfected from the book "Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo & Robert Buknam, MD).
These days my daughter's bed/nap time routine is simple: I turn on her Dave Matthews Band lullabies, hold her close for a few minutes to calm and relax her, then give her kiss & put her in her crib and close the door! She usual yells at me for about 5 or 10 seconds after I close the door, but then plays with her stuffed hippo and glow worm, and babbles to herself until she drifts off. Money!

So to continue with my streak of honesty here, parenthood so far is more of a breeze and definitely not a hassle. I honestly enjoy it much more than I expected, especially after all the terrifying stories I kept hearing! Yes, I had some plain old good luck involved, but I shouldn't have to feel embarrassed or apologetic for having a good experience. Therefore I won't be, I'm blatantly bragging about how much I am loving every minute of it!