Um, again.. Sorry.

Yeah I am horrible about updating, I know. But I have an excuse: I've been out of town! And let me tell you, it was no vacation... Rea and I's visit to the family spiraled into a stress-packed week that I'd rather just leave alone & never discuss again. I still love my family, it was just out of anyone's control.

Since I've been home I've been absolutely EXHAUSTED. I didn't get out of bed til almost 11am yesterday. 11-freaking-AM! Today I slept til 9! It's probably been a year since I've slept that late because....

...One year ago this sunday Reagan Belle was brought into this world after 27 long hours of labor. (Who says I don't sacrifice for my child? ;) )



This following weekend is Mother's Day, and last year was my very first Mother's Day when Rea was only 7 days old!

There she is at 7 days! --->

She came at just the right time for Mother's Day, and I was honestly still getting used to the idea of being a Mommy. You'd think I would be used to it already- after all, I did have 9 months of warning that it was going to happen- but it's a pretty enormous concept being the creator and provider of another human being. I don't remember the moment I realized I was a mother, for me it was something I eventually just grew into.. Like a metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly. Although sometimes I still feel like I'm just stretching my wings before flying... I'm sure the years ahead have gotta be more challenging than this past year... Cause it was fun as hell. Seriously.



Every time I think she can't get anymore awesome or beautiful, she does! Every time I think I couldn't possibly love her anymore, I my heart stretches just a little bit more to make room. I mean the girl is hilarious... she's a pint-sized baby who likes to act like the whole gallon. Miss Reagan Belle has some big attitude, don't let the sweet face fool you.

<--- See the sweetness?

~~~~ Illustrations of Rea's recent awesome-ness ~~~~

Rea likes to "clean" if we give her a paper towel or baby wipe! She wipes her hands and face, then any and all near-by surfaces!





This is going to be her birthday dress... Taking a picture of her sitting with her back to me was the only way for her to be still enough for a photo.





She was so interested in me painting my toes that she allowed me to paint hers, and even blew on them to dry when I was done!





My baby has a mohawk. Booyah!





Stopping to sniff the flowers... :)






And for a special treat, here's a little video! She is always very carefully imitating and practicing every move I make, which obviously includes kisses and hugs! Rea regularly practices loving on her unicorn and a few other stuffed toys. (But mostly the unicorn... lol).

~~~~~~~ Uber-Quick Health Update ~~~~~~~

In case you missed it, Reagan is getting to see a Geneticist from the Children's Hospital on May 9th. They'll probably ask a lot of questions and make her do more tests, but at least we'll be another step closer. Now that her birthday is finally here, it's starting to seem even more strange that her clothes are mostly 3-6 months; her summer clothes from last year still fit! (So don't get her clothes for her birthday haha, we've got it covered!)

I was also contacted to make an appointment with an Endocrinologist... Get this: for JULY. What a long wait. It's alright, maybe the geneticist will be our last stop.. ? Hope so.

Right now she seems to have a sinus infection... :( Green snot, wet cough and her usual energy is a bit diminished. I picked up antibiotics today from the pharmacy that I didn't fulfill last time she was sick, and got her started on them today. Keeping her comfortable also with a humidifier and LOTS of liquids.

Alright, that's all I've got for today folks, I'll be busy this weekend but should be an update again soonish! :D

A terrible day is coming...

Yes, I am going to be an alarmist and doomsday-announcer to bring to your attention a horrible day that will soon be upon us...

The day my daughter turns 1.

True, I've known it was coming for a long time now, but it doesn't make it any less cruel or unfair for me. Soon my baby will no longer be a baby anymore. Sort of.

Generations of mothers have been in this exact spot, but I really don't feel anything in common with them, because this time it's MY baby growing up. She's getting older and I can't get back any of those precious moments before she could walk, talk, express her opinion or eat solid foods. It's actually pretty depressing to think about.

These days Rea walks everywhere now like a tiny little doll, saying "hi" and "bye" as well as "daddy" and "mommy." She believes kisses are meant for anything she likes, including books, toys, spoons, paper, phones, ipads.. well, anything! Whenever music is played she starts to dance and wave her hands, and likes to make funny monster noises and faces while chasing me around the house.

Rea cannot un-learn the progress she has made in this first year of her life. While she's still small, things are simpler, and her world revolves around mommy and daddy so we can easily control her environment and protect her from danger, right down to nap times and whats for dinner. But the older she gets the more independence she will demand and the harder it will become to keep her safe and innocent. Now she's demanding to feed herself her own dinner, next thing we know she'll probably be demanding use of the car!

It's just scary watching her grow. I want to protect her so badly, but the older she gets the more impossible that becomes until it's completely out of my power.

By now you've gotta be thinking I'm being extremely dramatic, I mean c'mon, she's only turning ONE! But this year flew by so quickly that if the calendar didn't say so I would NEVER believe it's been that long.

In one more year when she turns 2, I'll probably go through a little spell of mommy-depression all over again. I can't prevent her from growing up, but I think it's okay for me to feel just a little bit sad about it.

Now I feel crazy.

All of these doctors appointment, weight checks, urine and blood tests have all been leading up to..... knowing nothing and waiting around.

We saw the doctor for a weight check this morning, she's gained one ounce.. Yippie.

Doc said her thyroid test came back normal, but it's a very basic test and she is sending us to see an Endocrinologist who can look for hormone imbalances and metabolic disorders. We should be getting a call to make an appointment at The Children's Hospital in Chicago within the next two weeks.

She also wants us to see a Geneticist at The Children's Hospital to look at her genes and rule out genetic diseases or disorders. Unfortunately, the wait list for an appointment is a few months...

I get a headache imagining how long this could take to get any solid answers. Part of me wants to throw in the towel and say, obviously she's just small. But the doctor today told me again what I already know: even small babies have a growth pattern. They don't just quit growing for going on 7 months and have horizontal growth charts with no cause. Unless of course, she's a mini freak of nature! (Which I'm kinda pulling for...)

The OFFICIAL Update

Reagan is 11 months old today! One more month til my little princess is a whole YEAR old!!!

Now on to her health update... We saw her pediatrician yesterday to discuss her blood and urine test results. Her urine came back normal, but there were several abnormalities in her blood test. Her doctor emphasized to us that she felt it was likely thyroid related, which although is somewhat rare in infants, is a good prognosis. If it turns out to be a thyroid issue, we simply just have to give her medication, nothing complicated.

There were other abnormalities in her test though that are not connected to thyroid, so in addition to a thyroid test she ordered a CBC (complete blood count, her platelets were high), and a Metabolic test (looks for genetic diseases).

We went to the hospital for the blood test right after her appointment, and this time it was SO MUCH EASIER!!!!! I told the nurse about how difficult it was last time to find a vein and the trauma that came with it, and she called a more experienced nurse in who found the vein in seconds! I was very impressed, and Reagan didn't cry nearly as much. Thank GOD.

The doctor also wants Rea to do another follow-up test in a week or two to check her platelets and carbon dioxide (apparently it was on the low side). She said it could be a fluke that those two were off, but we should double check. I really, really REALLY like how thorough she is being. Finally a doctor is listening to me and investigating!

It's good to know it's not all in my head... It's definitely been implied by some that she has no medical issue, but instead maybe she's "just small" or "needs better nutrition." I have something to say about all that, but I won't say it here.... ;-)

Also noteworthy, they previously prescribed her iron supplements over a month ago after testing her hemoglobin levels at the office, and they were low, which usually indicates anemia, which is most commonly due to low iron. Rea's blood tests showed that in fact she had very HIGH iron, almost too high... No more supplements for her. So of course, I asked the doctor, 'if her iron is high, then what is causing her low hemoglobin and anemia?' The answer was extremely disappointing: the equipment they use to measure hemoglobin is easy to read incorrectly, and she was NEVER anemic. WTF.

As soon as I can get different insurance, I am switching to a new office. I may like this doctor, but the office staff is completely incompetent. First they can't even accurately weigh her, now they also inaccurately measured her hemoglobin levels and wrongly prescribed her supplements that you can overdose on??? (Heard of iron poisoning?? Yeah, it's dangerous). It's ridiculous and unacceptable to me.

Okay, enough ranting.

We should be getting her test results sometime next week; Monday at the earliest for the CBC and Metabolic test, but probably between Wednesday and Friday for the thyroid test. We have an appointment for a weight check already on Wednesday, but we might reschedule if the thyroid test isn't in yet.

To sum it all up for you, we still don't know anything, but we do know that it's not nothing!


P.S. I do not what to speculate about any negative possibilities... I want to wait remain hopeful while I'm waiting for the facts to come in. I would appreciate if you would help me do this! :)